Gather at the graveside
Blow a trumpet...gather the people (Joel 2:15-16)
Who can attend a funeral? The Church of England guidelines (i.e. rules) are very clear. Only immediate family can attend at the graveside. It even lists what counts as immediate family as 'spouse or partner, parents and children, keeping their distance in the prescribed way'.
This leaves me torn. It is vital to our own well-being that we are able to mourn. While I sense that a simple ceremony by the graveside is as much an opportunity to mourn as a full church service, it is only so for those who can attend. The rules shut out both grandparents and grandchildren from the ceremony, both of whom may have a very close relationship with the person we are honouring and mourning.
It is clear though that a ruling that permitted any family member to attend would allow pretty large gatherings to occur. In the case of one side of my family, there could easily be 40 close relatives and that cannot be considered safe under the current restrictions. So what can be done? As I've written before I'm glad not to be making the rules in such a challenging environment, but it is worth considering how these ones work. I doubt many clergy are checking relations at the gate or counting heads for a future examination, but we do need to do all we can to keep people safe in both body and soul. I haven't heard of funerals cancelled when too many turn up but it cannot be an impossibility. Nor have I heard of anyone not on the list being turned away, but who knows. Such things haven't yet hit the headlines.
Joel sees the gathering of the whole people as integral to repentance. Even those usually exempt from such congregations are required to attend. From the elderly and infirm to the suckling baby all must be there. Only acting as a whole covenant people will their voice be heard in heaven. The leaders are required not to represent them but to call them all to represent themselves in prayer and repentance.
Being present together matters far more than we might have expected, and so it intrigues me to see how we are connecting in this crisis. On Thursday evenings crowds stand in our streets, applauding the NHS and many others too, at the correct social distance. They gather without gathering. On Zoom and FaceBook and all the other online systems, we meet without leaving the comfort of our homes. For many this is an improvement. Not only can you be in your pyjamas from the waist down, do your knitting or get up for a coffee whenever you like, but also the meetings are shorter, travel is non-existent and costs are minuscule.
Can we do something similar with funerals? Maybe online remembrance pages so we can post our memories for all to read. Rather than being heard in church for a brief moment they would be available now and always. A live feed of the burial makes me a little uneasy but I suspect that is mere nerves. Inherent in the rules is permission for another to attend to film, you just need unlimited data. Maybe that could be offered to clergy during the crisis. Could the routes of the hearses be made public, so those who are able could come out and line the road, as we come out for the NHS?
The graveside ceremony is a beautiful and honouring moment, so rather than fight to move back inside the building, let's find a way to allow the whole people to attend and give their respects. To gather without gathering. To keep us all safe in mind as well as body.
Who can attend a funeral? The Church of England guidelines (i.e. rules) are very clear. Only immediate family can attend at the graveside. It even lists what counts as immediate family as 'spouse or partner, parents and children, keeping their distance in the prescribed way'.
This leaves me torn. It is vital to our own well-being that we are able to mourn. While I sense that a simple ceremony by the graveside is as much an opportunity to mourn as a full church service, it is only so for those who can attend. The rules shut out both grandparents and grandchildren from the ceremony, both of whom may have a very close relationship with the person we are honouring and mourning.
It is clear though that a ruling that permitted any family member to attend would allow pretty large gatherings to occur. In the case of one side of my family, there could easily be 40 close relatives and that cannot be considered safe under the current restrictions. So what can be done? As I've written before I'm glad not to be making the rules in such a challenging environment, but it is worth considering how these ones work. I doubt many clergy are checking relations at the gate or counting heads for a future examination, but we do need to do all we can to keep people safe in both body and soul. I haven't heard of funerals cancelled when too many turn up but it cannot be an impossibility. Nor have I heard of anyone not on the list being turned away, but who knows. Such things haven't yet hit the headlines.
Joel sees the gathering of the whole people as integral to repentance. Even those usually exempt from such congregations are required to attend. From the elderly and infirm to the suckling baby all must be there. Only acting as a whole covenant people will their voice be heard in heaven. The leaders are required not to represent them but to call them all to represent themselves in prayer and repentance.
Being present together matters far more than we might have expected, and so it intrigues me to see how we are connecting in this crisis. On Thursday evenings crowds stand in our streets, applauding the NHS and many others too, at the correct social distance. They gather without gathering. On Zoom and FaceBook and all the other online systems, we meet without leaving the comfort of our homes. For many this is an improvement. Not only can you be in your pyjamas from the waist down, do your knitting or get up for a coffee whenever you like, but also the meetings are shorter, travel is non-existent and costs are minuscule.
Can we do something similar with funerals? Maybe online remembrance pages so we can post our memories for all to read. Rather than being heard in church for a brief moment they would be available now and always. A live feed of the burial makes me a little uneasy but I suspect that is mere nerves. Inherent in the rules is permission for another to attend to film, you just need unlimited data. Maybe that could be offered to clergy during the crisis. Could the routes of the hearses be made public, so those who are able could come out and line the road, as we come out for the NHS?
The graveside ceremony is a beautiful and honouring moment, so rather than fight to move back inside the building, let's find a way to allow the whole people to attend and give their respects. To gather without gathering. To keep us all safe in mind as well as body.
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| In memoriam in the churchyard of St Peter's Chetnole |
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